So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
