Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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