Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
