My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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