I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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