Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
