So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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