i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
