Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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