Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
