it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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