During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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