oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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