at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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