remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
