so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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