she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
