Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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