need another drink. this is the easiest way
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
How does one acquire holy water?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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