No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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