i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
