Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
