Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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