Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
well you can't waste a boner
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
