he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Randomize
