North Korea, Best Korea!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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