woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
