You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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