in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
a search helicopter?!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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