her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
