Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think I died a long time ago.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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