He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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