I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
