you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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