I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Congratulations! We have a period
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
