I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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