Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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