some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
