why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
