no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
