Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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