You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So vagazzling was a success
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
