Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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