3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
