I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This is the prime rib incident all over again
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
