First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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