I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
