It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
