So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
