I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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