two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
