then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
