You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
