Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Who died my cat blue again?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
