I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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