let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
