this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
