he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
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then he tried to convert me to islam
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
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Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize