I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
