I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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