Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
