He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
