Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
