you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
