Already got asked if we're dating
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
