hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
