My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
