R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
