I swear she didn't look like that last week.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
