do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
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