I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
