Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
