Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
