He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
