Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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