I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's blow job season.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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