dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I understand Curling. That high.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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