Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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