I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
