im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
