Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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