Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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