Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
