No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
