How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i came on her dog
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
