maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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