I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
